ABSTRACT
There are different types of parental love including
tough parental love, excessive parental love and moderate parental love. In
this research we are going to more concentrate on the excessive parental love
its benefits and limitations. Child caring has become challenging during past years
and great expectations are placed for parenthood. Although the public
upbringing has become professionalized and the day-care and school services are
available in today’s society, parents have the main responsibility for rearing
children. Children are one of the biggest blessing of Allah and when someone is
gifted with this blessing they love their children unconditionally and
sometimes this unconditional love turns to be unbounded. As we all know that
excess of everything is bad so this excessive love sometimes can leave some
negative impacts on child’s grooming and personality as well as it also creates
difficulty for child to fit in the practical world,
INTRODUCTION
Love is a natural emotion which can’t be imposed on
everyone but its ones inner feeling. Love is a variety of different feelings,
states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It
can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can
also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection. There
are different types of love in our society. Basically love can happen on two basis
that are:
1. Biological basis
This
type of love happens with the blood relations and it happens itself such as
parental love, siblings love etc.
2. Psychological basis
This
type of love occurs due to one’s personal emotional feelings. This love can
happen with reasons or without reasons such as love for nature, friends,
patriotism, girl friend or wife etc.
In this research we are going to have a deep insight
on the most important type of love that happens on biological basis that is”
parental love”. In this selfish world emotions such as love are declining
continuously but parental love is that kind of love that is as fresh as it was
in the past. Parents love their children unconditionally as soon as they have
born no matter how they look and without knowing their upcoming personality.
This research has been conducted to examine the effects
of excessive parental love on children; its benefits and limitations on child’s
life. Here we also want to discover the importance of parental love and the
placer of child who has been given excessive parental love in the society. In this
research we also want to know the behavior of a pampered child with the surroundings.
Also we want to analyze the effects of
excessive parental love on the personality grooming and confidence building of
the child.
In this research we want to analyze the problems
faced by the parents to give their children due love as either they give
excessive love or become more strict because most of them fail to give their
child moderate attention so that their child has sound personality. Also we
want to have an insight on the major problem of worse behavior of people in the
society due to lack of moderateness of parents with their children.
This research has been conducted within the duration
of three weeks during which a questionnaire was designed and was distributed
among various departments of Air University Islamabad including Electrical, computer
sciences, business administration, mechatronics and Mechanical Department.
Around 44 responses were recorded in which 12 of them were from Electrical, 12
from Computer Sciences, 8 from Mechatronics, 6 from Business Administration and
6 from Mechanical Department. Around 66% responses were from male students
while 34% of them were from female students.
LITERATURE
REVIEW
Love is like food and in optimum measure. It is very
beneficial but it will become harmful when it is given in very excessive amount
to someone. As we are studying its effects on children’s personality, so
excessive love can be harmful in many ways for children and leaves adverse
effects on the upbringing of child. As we can’t live without food and water,
likewise love is also a key for survival in life. This love and affection is
essential for good breeding of child but excess of this love can come in the way
of child’s bright future and such children are likely to be spoiled with
harmful consequences. The responsibility for the upbringing, training and
education of child rests with the parents. As a child grows into an adult and
has to face the society, ups and downs, success, failures, rise, fall,
happiness, sorrows, so he has to be brought up with care and proper
methodology. A spoiled child is a child
that exhibits behavioral problems from overindulgence by his or her parents.
Parenting (or child rearing) is the process of promoting and supporting the
physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child
from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child
aside from the biological relationship. Parents who are consistent and fair
with their discipline, who openly communicate and offer explanations to their
children, and who do not neglect the needs of their children in some way often
find they have fewer problems with their children as they mature. Parental
alienation (or Hostile Aggressive Parenting) is a group of behaviors that are
damaging to children's mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with
a relationship of a child and either parent.
Excessive parental love and also several reasons lead
to the stubbornness in the children as depicted in the picture. So overall
moderate treatment with wards produces legends while one way treatment either
overindulgence or ignorance creates many loop holes in one’s grooming.
Over
parenting is also essential for child’s grooming but sometimes this statements
seems to be failed.
Kids of all ages agreed that the praised student
tried harder. But the older kids also inferred that the praised student had
lower ability (Barker and Graham 1987). We can
now say with confidence that the psychosocial environment has a material impact
on the way the human brain develops, “It
puts a very strong wind behind the sail of the idea that early nurturing of
children positively affects their development." In an article
on the effect of parenting on university students, “appropriate parenting
characteristics taken to
An inappropriate degree” (LeMoyne
& Buchanan, 2011, p. 405). This overly effortful
parenting approach has been
generally hypothesized as being deliberately
chosen by these parents in a
loving but misguided attempt to improve their child’s
current and future personal and
academic success. Many popular media authors
posit there will be immediate or
eventual harm for children who are parented with
an excessively cultivating
parenting approach, as they claim it does not allow
children to develop independence
or become fully-functioning, community-minded
adults (Levine, 2006; Nelson, 2010).
Berscheid (2006) claims that understanding human
behavior has suffered because of forgetting the fact that people live in a net
of human relationships for their entire life and that most of the behavior
takes place in the context of human relationships. When studying successful
behavior, it is important to examine how the environmental factors and the
Parental Love – spoils the child’s personality. development is greatly affected
by their growing surroundings (juvenile culture, media, as well as the societal
values and ideals) as it has been noted that childhood may be the optimal time
to promote healthy attitudes, behavior, adjustment, and prevention of problems
by, for example, recognizing the children’s strengths and building on those
strengths (Brown Kirschman, Johnson, Bender, & Roberts, 2009). ” Aspinwall
and Staudinger (2006) point out that many of the human strengths are based on
the person’s relationships with others, in other words, they are relational or
collective by nature: for example, possibility to understand and cope with
various problematic life situations is better if one has a chance to discuss
the problem at hand with a close friend, swap opinions, and reflect the issues
from the new perspectives.
Alice Miller (1984) says: “Do not hope that a child
would turn into something specific, just that he or she would develop. Enjoy
the child and his or her developmental phases as he or she is. Enjoy your life
together instead of being constantly worried about what your children will
become or not in the future.” This is how a healthy self-image is created as
well as self-confidence to confront difficulties and problems in life.
METHODOLOGY
This study was designed to know the effects of extra
parental love on the personality and grooming of children. In this regard a
research was conducted from the students of Air University Islamabad to know
and analyise their responses. To analyise this problem a total of 7 closed
ended research questions were designed which are given below:
1. Parental endearment is necessary to succeed.
2. Do you believe that over parenting helps in
grooming child’s personality?
3. Too much pampered children are often jealous of
their siblings.
4. Do you think that excessive parental love
increases the habit of ordering and demanding within the Children?
5. Children raised under strictness are more
prepared for hardships of life.
6. Children whose parents pay excessive attention
are unable to move alone in the society.
7. Kids learn more things when parents are not next
to them for their guidance.`
To obtain a response on the the excessive parental
love we designed a questionnaire in which the above mentioned closed ended research
questions were included. We took around three weeks to complete our research
work. In the first week, our group collectively designed some questions
regarding the excessive parental love and then chose the best of them for the
questionnaire and also designed the complete questionnaire in the same week .
In the second week, our group members distributed the research questionnaire
among the students of Electrical, Mechatronics, Computer Sciences, Mechanical
and Business Administration Departments and collected the responses from them
regarding our study. At last, in the third week, we analyzed the collected
responses from the students of different departments of Air University
Islamabad and after calculating the results in the same week we designed a
complete research report for our research work on the excessive parental love:
Benefits and Limitations.
RESULTS
We analyzed total 7 research questions in our
research work that are given in the methodology part. Complete demographic
explanation of the research questions after full data analysis is given below:
In the response of the first question “Parental
endearment is necessary to succeed” most people around 45% agreed to the fact
that to get success in the life parents love is necessary while only 5% opposed
it completely.
Responding to the second question” Over parenting
helps in grooming child’s personality” almost 50% people completely denied the
given fact while only 18% people agreed that extra parents love helps in child
grooming.
Next response collected was about the question” Too
much pampered children are often jealous of their siblings” in the result
around 54% people agreed to the given fact while there was no people who
completely disagreed by the fact
.
In the response of the question” Excessive parental
love increases the habit of ordering and demanding within the children” around
59% students agreed with the given fact while only around 5% completely
disagreed it.
Also, in the response of the research question”
Children raised under strictness are more prepared for hardships of life” most
people around 55% of them agreed by the given fact while only 4% of them
completely disagreed this fact.
In the response of the closed ended research question
“Children whose parents pay excessive are unable to move alone in the society”
around 45% students agreed with the given fact while only 14% completely
disagreed with this fact.
At last, in the response of the research question”
Kids learn more things when parents are not next to them for their guidance”
around 36% students strongly agreed by the fact while 23% of them completely
disagreed by the given fact.
Analyzing all the collected data and responses we
can conclude that love is no doubt necessary for everyone in this world but
excess of everything is always harmful so is the same case with this beautiful
feeling of love. In this research we analyzed that parents should not give
their children excessive love because excessive love leaves a lot of
abnormalities in the behavior and personality of the children. By giving
excessive love to our children we make them less confident, stubborn and short
tempered.
RECOMMENDATIONS
We did a sound study on this topic and after finding
the results we suggest that:
·
Love is a sweet cool breeze which
everybody wants to be blowing around him/her; this sweet cool breeze should be
at a constant and moderate rate.
·
Parents should listen to their children
but they should turn deaf ears to the unfair demands of their children.
·
The more effective approach is to
appreciate kids doing something right. This will do more to encourage good
behavior over the long run than repeated scolding.
·
Early marriages should be avoided and
only adults and mature people should be got married.
·
Too much strictness should be avoided
with wards so that hating factor should not grow up within them.
·
Children should avoid demanding behavior
despite they should realize their responsibilities and act accordingly.
·
Seminars should be conducted so that
parents get aware of how to treat their children as mostly parents are unable
to do justice with their every ward.
(This Is an Original Research Conducted by Air University Dept. Of Electrical Engineering 2015)
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